Meta-Emotion: How We Feel About Our Feelings

Meta-emotion refers to the emotions we experience about our own emotional responses. For example, someone may feel ashamed of their sadness, frustrated by their anxiety, or guilty about feeling anger. These second-layer emotions often create more distress than the original feeling.

Many people grow up receiving messages like “Don’t be upset,” “Stop overreacting,” or “Stay strong.” These teachings shape meta-emotion beliefs, such as “Sadness is weakness,” “Anger is dangerous,” or “Fear should be hidden.” As adults, people internalize these rules and judge themselves harshly when they don’t meet them.

Understanding meta-emotion requires looking beneath reactions. Instead of asking, “Why am I emotional?” ask, “Why am I judging myself for this emotion?” This shift creates space for compassion and reduces self-criticism.

Healthy emotional processing begins when emotions are allowed rather than resisted. Accepting the first emotion prevents the second emotion from spiraling. Over time, this builds emotional maturity and resilience.